PAPPA KEHTE HAIN BADA NAAM KAREGA …

Pappa kehte THAE bada naam karega ,
Ab to who bhi kehna band kar diya ……..

This one specially goes out to all my ENGINEERING friends out there who have toiled and soiled for 4 years of their lives to achieve a bachelors degree! Just to give you a background – I was one of the most NON engineers out there (well I still am … !) I had 2 very specific group of friends – people who were the academically gifted and the ones that were ‘Just Gifted’.

Why I praise the non academicians is simple – I belonged to their tribe ! The former were a bunch of kids who had troubled childhoods and had lost their focus. They were kids with no understanding of the real world and had only their books to turn to for support. (my understanding of their world was disillusioned as i had never stepped on their side of the fence)

On the other hand – our tribe was this wild, forever hungry, fanatic bunch of complete idiots who cared a tiny rats ass for technology. All we knew was that in a PN Junction – P is Positive (simple) and N is negative (simpler). We knew a BJT is different from a FET but not how and why. I mean does it matter ? sheeshhh ….

I have bundled along a couple of stories for you… Read these events of my life …. (BTW please deposit USD 10 for every reading …… Please call Maggi at 555.WHATTHE– she will tell u the account number and the payment instrument)

FIRST DAY and THEREAFTER ….
So there we were when we reached my precious college ‘FIRST DAY’ – there was this huge scare that the seniors rag and I would be made to walk around naked in front of all the girls and they will all make fun of my wiener ! well it was not exactly the same – but I was asked to strip and there were thankfully no females.

The first day was the ‘intro’ where the college professors sternly told us that ‘Short Pants’ (as they put it) and smoking was prohibited in college. (they never mentioned it was ok to smoke sitting on the fence wall – as long as no one was looking !). That day I swore I will give to my parents the greatest joy I could ever give them – by graduating top of my class. Well I almost did it – so wat if I look at the results bottom up !

So college begins a week later. I am 17 – going to 18, have heard these wonderful college stories about sex and drugs. Heard that college life rocks and the party never stops. But I was staying 100 mts away from college and I didn’t see any naked chicks or dope dwellers – something that I was so eager to ‘touch’.

I was starting to wonder if I was in a wrong place – this wasn’t college. I mean who the hell needs to learn how to draw stupidly designed machines from all angles. For all I care – if they are already made – why study about them!

My logic was not very well understood by my lecturers and I was often thrown out of class for my ‘redundant questioning’. In my defense, I was only trying to quench my thirst for knowledge. So within a year I took the hint and stopped attending the lectures. Slowly after a couple of semesters I got the hang of the thing. In our local dialect – its called a ‘One Nite Fite’ – it basically means no matter how well u understand your subject – it’s the last night’s fight that matters…. U gotta live in Rome like the Romans do.

First year of Engineering was great. Had an exposure to wat education actually means. I have never been intimidated by Academicians. I always knew I was born to do something brilliant. My father lost this faith long back – but I am still holding on to it…. Second year brought new people in my lives. There were still lots of women I wanted to get ‘comfy’ with – but they didn’t share the enthusiasm … This was the year I flunked in 3 subjects in the first term.

Now in Engineering terms its pretty normal for a guy of my IQ – but it was a HIT to me. And I swore AGAIN that I will break this belief that I am incapable to do anything …. I am still trying to break that … allow me a few hundred years and I will DO IT ! By third year things had gone very routine.

There was nuthin much to do. I used to be out all day – just come home to sleep. I had learnt the art of being shameless. Its important to help u survive. I had excepted my flaws and was in no mood to do anything about them …. Final year came along and before I knew it – it was over. The dream was over. Life had suddenly hit a speed breaker.

I remember how we were all bunking the college annual function and sitting out on the fence – smoking and listening to the utter diplomatic ‘ass licking’ every one there was giving each other. Students were praising teachers – teachers were praising students. End of the day every one seemed to be praising everyone else. We guys chose to sit out and praise our ciggis.

WASTING USELESS ENERGY
I decided to take my energies to other domains. I mean education was clearly ruining me … I was spending too much time chasing women who weren’t interested. The ones who were interested were few and none in India … Cause most stayed in US or Malaysia and its easier to cheat on the internet. Aaaaaahhh…. MIRC – how I love you !

I fell in love – a beautiful 6 string thing from the house of YAMAHA. Joel – a good friend was gifted this articulate ornament the day he joined my college. It was just beautiful. And we made a hit instantly. I mean it was like a perfect match. She flowed in my arms like water and my fingers could run up and down its neck with the ease. I seemed to get a high everytime she sang.

It was a great feeling …. Of course somewhere in this saga of great love crushes and elbow fights – I met some guys who had this amazing ability to see thru me. It happens to guys I guess. I mean my to be wife doesn’t have a lot of friends and even fewer Close pals. In guy lingo its called ‘Gaand Dost’. Basically the first word is a hindi word for a ‘Bum’. These friends aren’t people who swear they will be with u for life. These are people u talk to like once a month but everytime u meet – the frequencies match and u both know whats in the other guys head – u don’t need to say it.

It was my 18th birthday and I wanted to do something new. For the first time I was away from my family and wasn’t too sure how to celebrate that. Friends were still few and new. I remember I had read about this AD of Wills Strand “u are never alone with a Strand’. So I wanted to smoke. Asked a pal to buy a Ciggi – he bought one – I lit it and sucked on the brown part. I was expecting to cough – but I guess my lungs were looking forward to this … my head swirled for a sec and I smiled. Then I took another drag – and rest ..as they say … is history.

ONE HELLUVA PARTY ….. (or were there more …. !!)
SECOND YEAR Semester one Dec 2000 We were just over with the theoretical papers and had a few pracs left. That means we had about 5-6 days of ‘Nothing to do’. (Well not that we had LOTS to do otherwise !! )

CHIKKI – a friend, whose real name I still do not know, was called on to decide the place for a party. (Please remember at all times we had no , I repeat, NO female company… ). CHIKKI (cause he is from Lonavla … ) decided it to be his home … we were like - OK ! So 8 of us land up there in his flat. There is Mel – a 6’4’’ giant weighing about 120 Kgs and BACHA, Muscular 6 Footer who played Soccer. Then there’s this rogue and not to mention – urs truly ! The rest are irrelevant to the story and will be introduced as we go along.

Liquor was in limited quantity and it was imperative that we all share. After the bottle was emptied, Mel n me were wondering if we should have shared it with others – guilt struck us and we ordered ABHISHEK to get some more. Abhi, shakingly goes and procures 5 Quarters of Vodka. I put my hand into the bag and pull out one …. I think I even punched someone for trying to take it away from me. (I’m very possessive about liquor)

After about 300 ml of pure alcohol has gone into your system – the world does start changing. Not only does it become more beautiful – YOU can become whatever you want to be. I wanted to sing so I made it a point to beat Bon Jovi singing "Always". I was assisted by BABA (a negro looking weirdo) and we both with our hoarse voices sang quite a wonderful duet.

I had almost decided to quit engineering and pursue music. (Of course the hangover next day convinced me otherwise). Its about 2 am in the morning and we are living in a Society – with old people sleeping and all … so u can imagine the repercussions of this lovely bachelor party ! (minus the stripper …. ) The world was still beautiful to me … and I was convinced I needed to get my pitch right. So I needed to listen to the song again – just to be sure.

While the music was incessantly being repeated – someone suggested we lay out the dinner – WOW I didn’t know dinner existed ! All of a sudden I was hungry. (I told you at that state – you can be whatever you wanna be … ) I can see some yellow stuff and some brown round things. I know its edible so I believe my instincts.

That’s when Mel towers above me and asks – ‘Sam, is that dinner’.
I - ‘Yes, My friend’.
Mel - ‘ Should I jump in’.
I – ‘of course dude’

Mel looks at the food …….. looks at me …… smiles and takes a leap. Mel actually Jumped. Mel jumped on the dal – the dal is all over the walls and the computer. Not only that – somehow the dal missed my hair and landed on Chikki’s freshly ironed clothes !

We were all very upset – cause there was no dal left for the rice ! And while MEL is dancing, he slips and the iron bed takes the weight of 120 Kgs of a man – there wasn’t much left after the accident. Of course Mel has slept off sometime between losing his balance and hitting the bed.

Finally after a blast and with absolutely no recollection of what followed – I conked off too.

Bacha was drunk after his half Rum ka bottle and was not involved in the fiesta.

Abhi has taken recluse in the Himalayas for having provided us the ‘Extra’ 5 quarters of liquor. He smokes and drinks occasionally.

Baba still doesn’t drink or smoke but looks like he is under police parole. He has decided to live life undercover.

Adarsh was fat once and lost like a Million kilos of weight. At 3 am he was very concerned about having taken in so many calories. So was jogging on the balcony till 6 am – thats when he collapsed.

The Host for the evening – Chikki, was thrown out of the FLAT by his landlord. ………….

Will keep adding more events – keep coming back : )