Hell n Back

2nd Sept 2000
10:30 Pm
IInd Year Engineering
This was the day I could have crossed into hell....

Joel - a very good friend of mine is a PATHETIC rider. I mean he owned a black Honda Splendour and he was just saaaaaaaaad ! Also let me tell u - Joel met with an accident and has 2 Titanium screws in his right knee.
Its sunday and we decide to eat out.

So we head for a place called 'Burger King'. We have a nice dinner and chat and we are returning ....
We are on FC Road and a Bike just zooms by. (those were the times when I had my mom's scooty as a commuting device). I recognized that the pillion on the bike was the same Hot female we both were drooling at back in Burger King. So i raise my hand (and my voice) to share this with Joel.

Out of nowhere, i look to my right and this Sumo pulls up at like break neck speed right along us.
Now i am wondering WHY is he driving along side us.... this guy starts to sway towards us. I can see the distance between Joel's Handle bar and the Sumo reducing. The sumo comes close and gently nudges the bike. (joel till now had NO CLUE wat was going on). Joel slightly swerves. The Sumo sways back away from us.



And then ....
The Sumo comes and BUMPS into us. Full on ....
I saw joel's head hit the ground like a ball. Thankfully he was wearing a helmet. Then i Hit the floor.
For a sec i didnt realize what happened. All i knew was that i was rolling all over the floor. I get up and check to see if all my bones are ok.
They were - i guess all the paranthas with Amul Butter i ate when i was a kid finally paid off.
Joel on the other hand was screaming and lying under the bike about 10 feet away from me.

People gathered and helped him up. I walked to the side walk. My specs are gone - so i can see SQUAT !
i am touchign myself (so as to say) and cudnt believe i was fine.

Then i touch my face and feel something sticky ....
i bend over and its like a TAP has opened. Somewhere from my face, there is this red colored liquid flowing out. As if there is no stopping it.
This guy comes and says 'its ok beta - dont worry - sab theek ho jayega'. I'm like - WHAT theek ho jayega - HUA KYA HAI??
these 2 girls come along and give the guy a bottle of water. he puts my head back into the light to pour the water over my face. Just as the light hits my face - i hear these girls gasp - ' OH my god !'

Now i am gettign worried here. Not cause I am bleeding. But probably that small thing in my head called the brain may have got displaced. Its very small u know and can get lost easily!

These guys stop an Auto and take us both to the Hospital. WHen i reach the hospital i see Joel - his right knee was about 6 inches lower than the left. The Screws had got displaced. Now this was serious. In fact when joel got his operation done - it was a miracle there was some cartilage left for the surgeon to re attach the screws - else he would have been limping for life.

I'm sure this story would be far better had HE told it ...

Well anyways. So we reach the hospital. The doc comes in. The bleeding has stopped.
He looks at me and asks - 'err ... hmmm .... have u ... i mean ... are u under any influence of alcohol ?'
after i convinced him that i was not drunk (not cause i didnt want to - just cause i had NO MONEY), he got to his job.

Today after 4 years - i still carry a faint scar below my right eye. The skin below my right eye was slit and bled itself out. My right eye was not visible - All the people could see was a blood filled eyeball. The guy who said 'sab theek ho jayega' thought i lost my eye.

Technical details -
The specs i was wearing were made of glass. When my head hit the floor, the glass smashed and slit the skin below my eyes. U must be thinking - HOW LUCKY ! Thats not the only 'slit' i got. The 'white' part of my right eye was slit too - about 4 cms. It could have been my retina. I would have been writing this article with one eye !

Helmet pehno boss - thopda badalne mein der nahin lagtee ....

the BRAND

I had the fortunate chance to 'touch and hear' an iPod the other day. This friend of mine couldnt keep his hands off it !
Its flying off shelves in US and its a rage in the Indian Pocket-heavy-tech-savvy community.
Lets backup a little.
Its not the BEST Mp3 player in town. People know that. People accept that. But it still sells like crazy.
Its not the CHEAPEST player in Town. People know that. People accept that. But they still fish out money for it.

When a company develops a product - the idea behind it is to sell it. But HOW does one do it? HOW do you 'convince ' the buying party that this is something their life is incomplete without.

Chefs say you eat with your eyes - in other words - what 'looks' good - catches your attention. To a great extent thats true. Of all the 5 sense we have, i guess the sense of sight is the most important to convince the brain. You see Mallika Sherawat and want to copulate with her - without knowing if she is any good in bed or not! You see a ferrari and want to drive it - without knowing if it actually drives better than a maruti. (of course it does - its an example) 

Apple made a hit with the MAC. It was all about the 'Look n feel' of the thing. And even today - you buy a MAC only cause it looks cool. Steve Jobs pulled off a fantastic stint with the iPod. Its sleek, it looks cool and every newspaper in town is talking about it. What more do you need. End of the day - its something that every pocket wants !Take another example - the Bajaj Pulsar vs The Honda Unicorn. The money Honda spent on Unicorn's ad spend was significantly more than what Bajaj guys spend on their Pulsar. But the magic is pretty much evident. 1000 of these pulsars selling everyday !

So - is the Look and Advertising really the ONLY parameters to ensure a products success ? What decides the success of a product? In case of the Unicorn - unfortunate that it comes from the 'Honda' stable. Guys dont buy bikes to commute. Its a statement. The kind of guys who ride a 'Honda' dont have girl friends.
They simply dont need em !
The mental 'Image ' of a Honda is 4 cylinder - 1500 cc water cooled - 6 speed - 160 Bhp - top speed 250+ Kmph. Now when i say i have this AWESOME 150 cc air cooled - 13.3bhp - 5 speed - top speed 100Kmph bike from 'Honda' - it seems to me that this is some NEW HONDA company based out of Bharuch in Gujrat !Its like saying Ferrari is launching a 1000 CC car in India with the most Fuel Efficient engine in the Universe ! Who cares !! I dont buy a ferrari for its FUEL ECONOMY !! 

And THATS what the iPod guys are cashing on - people are willing to spend MORE for what they 'want' than what they 'need'. The reason is simple - you dont compromise on your WANTS. Think about it ...

The concept of price is critical. Companies like HLL fight hard to make sure their products go to the Middle Class bathrooms and kitchens. Companies like Diamler Chrysler only raise the prices of their cars cause they know that people who WANT em - will pay watever it takes !

The sheer 'desire' to want it is the ONLY reason why cars like Ferrari will sell even when there is no petroleum on this earth. Maybach had a target to sell only 10 cars in this year of 2005. They sold 6 on the day of the launch. probably by now they have over shot their target.The idea makes good sense. Make a product that has exceptionally high quality. Sell it to a select few. Make it good and make it expensive. Sell lesser numbers. Generate approx the same revenue and laugh all the way to the bank.

Does this makes sense .... ?

IIPM IIPM kya hai ... yeh IIPM IIPM ?

BOSS - one thing is for certain. Watever this Arindam guy pulled off is spectacular. I would like to commend him on his awesome spirit of wholesome cheating. :)

For the uninitiated - the scene is like this. Have u heard of IIPM - 'Dare to go beyond the IIMs' wala college ?? Arindam Choudhary ?? rings any bells?Gaurav - an Ex IIML guy (working for IBM) said some remarkably hurting things about IIPM and Arindam in his personal Blog. In the meantime, Rashmi Bansal, Editor in Chief - JAM MAG, was doign her own research on the IIPM tall claims of fundoo faculty and infrastructure - not to mention astounding salaries their students received. 

The Lid Blew off in a particular issue of JAM MAG, with the magazine doign full justice to their research. All the lies and the deceit was in the open. The material was in print - that meant that people read it and started thinking. Its not wise to make Indians think - cause chaos follows ! The IIPM guys were gunning for Gaurav and his Blog. Poor Big Blue (IBM) was roped into this and IIPM promised to burn down 100 notebooks if Gaurav didnt delete his blog !

heh heh .... good na ?
It gets better .... what's actually the most remarkable thing about this is that the sheer number of Bloggers who followed this fiasco and chased it till its death. Mr. Friedman might call this the 11th Flattener !The suit was filed against JAM MAG also - Rashmi of course bit the head off IIPM in court and I dont know if the case is settled or not - but the media aint following it no more !Gaurav - with his belief of 'freedom of speech' resigned from IBM so that IBM doesnt lose face and IIPM truth still stays out in the open. (I bet he wud have reconsidered if he wasnt from IIML !)

Well so end of the day - where does it leave our rolex-wearing-Jaguar-Driving-dashing-long-haired-incredible-education unaccountable-hunk, Mr. Arindam ? I think he must be missing his good ol days of bunking college and sleeping on the college fence ! Why did he get into this mess he must be thinking !

Now things to think about -
In the last 4-5 years IIPM (Arindam) must have made anywhere between 40-50 Crores (maybe more). This money belongs to students and hard working middle class fathers who have high hopes for their kids. Now while Arindam is on a shopping spree in London, who the hell is gonna get all this back to these unfortunate few who sold and mortgaged lands to get their sons good jobs ? I mean lets face it - the money is lost - live with it !

Unless of course our Government decides to intervene. But a few 'luncheons' on behalf of Arindam should get that in order too. This is what i love about our country - Every guy has a price. If u have the money - BOSS you RULE !

But one thing for sure - Telgi made an ass out of the Government. Harshad Mehta messed up the market. This guy took the creame of the pie. I mean he LITERALLY charged people for their dreams - awesome na ? I give him a 10 on 10 for this fantastic performance. Hope he can repeat something similar with the inmates in a jail somewhere in bihar !
All the best to IIPM batch of 2005 - YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOO !

Oh i almost forgot - Gaurav - great work on becoming a superstar overnight. Sorry you had to quit your job for this - but what the hell ... eh ? so when do u close IIPM and start GAAND - Gaurav and Arindam's Amazing Dhamaka ..... do i see another Arindam in the making ..... hmmmm

'The Last four lines are in no way an opinion of the author - its a creation of his mind. If found guilty - Gaurav or Arindam can only accuse the mind and only the mind shall be brought to court in front of the judge. Should the mind choose not to respond, no Physical damage shall be brought on the author to 'make the mind talk' - if you know what i mean'

CEOs' Day OUT !

Allow me to introduce the 3 people we are talking about here.

Manish Sinha
Manish, or as luvingly called Mannu is the typical delhi dude with loads of attitude and spunk. He knows how to carry himself and is one of the elders in the tribe. Lots of fire - lots of zest - he loves big things and loves to gossip. Became a good friend at our previous office location as we were 2 offices apart.

Harshad Jahagirdar
Harshad, lovingly called Harshad, is the good looking one. He is also the creative one. With too many ideas bouncing in his head, he sometimes has to make very dfficult choices between his responsibilities and what he wants. You will never see him sulking or crying over stuff. (little more than i can say for myself or for manish - we are the weepers of the tribe)

Urs Truly
I dont think its appropriate for me to talk about myself right now - lest you dont read the rest of this .....

So - we decide to 'hit' mulshi (in Mannu's lingo). Mulshi is this awesome hilly place about 80 odd Kms away from Pune. Mannu drives an Opel Astra (the rear end sticker was stolen about a month back - ouch !) . So we all cling on in the car and mentally decide the 'equal' distribution of all the costs. We fill in petrol and we are off ....

This year it has rained rather heavily and it was sorta raining - I wud say actually it was raining cats, dogs and elephants ! i mean it does rain there a LOT - but this was too much ! waise car thee so not a problem - but it was fun.

Usually all three of us are so tied up with trying to make money that we rarely get to enjoy such a time out of office. It was really a welcome change and the open air made us feel free.... it was like getting out of prison ! u know when u are released out of the prison after like 40 years and u step out and look at the sun and the sky....... slowly u light a ciggaratte and take a deep drag .... and just smile and start to walk out ....

It wasnt that Dramatic ... but it was close. So mulshi gets 'Hit' at about 2 in the afternoon. Harshad is the nature freak n knows a lot of these good spots. We went to a point that was looking into a gorge - was about 300 mts of SHEER cliff wall. But even if u fell - u wont crash - u will just float cause the breeze was soooo strong (of course if 'I' fell - i wud plummet to the ground and break uncle Galileo's theory that all things fall down at the same rate no matter how heavy they are)

Harshad in his zest for nature-ness, took the car into some deep forest where me n mannu started getting a little worried cause we werent carrying protection! Harshad with his regular trips knew the local beasts and was certain they were bored of him and wanted to taste some new flesh !

Its gettign late and Mannu is sorta getting worried..... the visibilty was less than 20 Mts and it was getting sorta scary. Harshad kept re assuring us that nothing wrong can happen.

Now we are doign some fine cross country driving (in an Astra !) and Mannu points out a strange noise from the car .... i listen carefully (harshad was drunk with nature)
Now at this point in the day - we were SOAKING wet and i had a pool of water in my shoes ... it was Damp and sticky and clothes were wet and so was the car - from the inside and outside !

Luckily it wasnt rainign when me n Harshad got out to check. i look at the back of the car and WOW - the car's silencer is on the ground ... ! We were dragging it along like a dead horse ! hmmmm .... so harshad with his Mechanical Engg background starts to think. (my Electronics expertise or Manuu's programming wizardry was quite a waste !) A polite Farmer comes along and Harshad asks him for some Wire.... what do u know ... HE HAS IT ! and that too strong and sturdy wire ....
Just then the gods decide to unleash their watery fury .... all i saw was Harshad getting sloppy in the rain ....
Now the car is rather low and we dont have time to jack it up so Harshad can put the wire around the silencer and haul it up. Its getting late. Mannu is panicking. The Clouds are thickining. The rains are getting harder. The old man is smiling ... watever !

Finally the Silencer was hauled up and we quiclky got into the car and paid the farmer 10 bucks. He seemed to be lost as to why the money ... but hey - we HAD to ...!

By this time we had lost all the ZEST we started out with and were rather low. Then Mannu plays that song from Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan - Afreen Afreen. Suddenly all i could see was Lisa ray dancing in the rain - so cud mannu and harshad was still drunk ....

After 15 mins of silence (we were all dreaming about her and cursing her husband) reality hit us - Pune was back. Tomm was Monday and i had to send out that important Email. I suddenly realized my palms were sweating and i was tired. The traffic was back .. the noises and the dirt in the air .... the TRIP was over !

Pune - Hyderabad in 10 hours on my Bike !

People who know me know me as a crazy freak who can do just about anything - just cause someone told him he cant ! I have this strange belief that i can do somethign best when i am pinned up against it ! (what ever that means ..... )

I am a biker by blood. I am a speed freak and dream of owning a R1 one day. Yamaha has always been somethign i wanted to own but The pulsar somehow caught my attention and i love it between my legs !
Buying a Pulsar was an exercise in itself cause no bank would lend me a loan and i had to bribe someone to get me a loan (please let this not reach HDFC !)
180 cc of Displacement coupled with 16.5 hp of power at 8000 rpm and 15.22 Nm torque at 6000 rpm can help this thing reach 130 Kmph ( i have done it only once though)

I came back from office around 12 and was very restless. I tried to find recluse in a Bottle of Vodka but found it empty (my room mate was generaous enuff to leave the bottle behind !) i picked up my guitar and as i am strumming my strings - somethign told me that Pune to Hyd was possible in one day.

Now we are talking about 600 Kms of riding in the March Sun. It was somehow possible in my head. i quickly threw some undies and shirts in a bag - put on my bermudas and keys of the bike. Tied the backpack to the pillion seat - went to the 24 X 7 gas station and got a tank full. The bike takes 18 Litres of fuel ! now i am ready to RIDE.....

It was about 5:30 am when i reached Hadapsar (pune outskirts). I knew the roads were good and i could easily clock 100 Kmph consistenly. But the bike was new and i was unsure of Bajaj people doign their job on the engine good enuff. I was somehow not too sure...

10 hours later, at around 3:30, i was at the BHEL crossing with another 40 kms to clock. My head was swinging and my legs felt like rubber, but it was sure a thrill to have made it.

Its all in your head ma' babies, its all in your head !

The final party ....

June 10
Engineers ban gaye !
(at least till the results are out)

The last day of Engineering - the day i was sooooooo lookign forward to ! the day i can proudly look at myself in the mirror and say - I DID IT (just like NIKE told me to !)
There is this AWESOME place in Pune called T-OAKS, its actually THOUSAND OAKS and its like this MIT (My Engineering college) hangout place.

Rohan Ambli - lovingly called 'sirf ambli' was kind enuf to let me stay over at his house for like a MONTH! cause i was homeless. So as fate would have it - i was at his place on the last day of our exam.
V decide to hit T-OAKS. The place is rocking! Before i know it the whole place is like FILLED with MIT junta. One thing i must harp on - MIT leaves a proud tradition of bringing up total party people !
So we are all there - like 40 of us ! Junta is all crying and all - i mean after all ENGINEERING is over. I didnt share the pain - but i was crying out of joy !

So we start with a polite beer. Things start to get a little fizzy. The 'Bartender's pitcher' there is a must try. By the 4th beer things were again beautiful !
Life was never prettier and i was assured of immunity by God himself (or so i thought)
Now all i can recollect is that i was smashed to the core. Bell - the bassist of the metal band AGNI happened to be sitting around.

So while i am engaged in some stupid converstaion with him, somethign in my stomach rumbled ! I knew it wasnt good. I felt someone pulling me and dragging me to the loo. I saw the white loo and jsut smiled - and instantly a bucket full of puke came rubling out ! But let me assure you i didnt spill any on the floor. I looked back and there was Dhingra (another MITian). Dhingra is like telling me to get outa the way - i know its not the right time to stop and ask WHY ! Dhingra lets go of another bucket full of undigested dinner.

Well soon we had the class throwing up all over the loo. I am sure the T-OAKS loo underwent a rather harrowing experience that day !

so i step out into the open air and spot ambli. I slur some words out and ask for the car keys.
Now i vaguely remember the nite after this. All i remember is that i fell asleep in the car and when i woke up in the morning i had this MONSTER sleepign next to me ... 6'4'' 150 kgs SAAAAND of a guy - the name is SURAJ SHETTY - university Squash champion. This guy is snoring and for a second i checked if i had my clothes on !! (u never know !)

things cam back to normal and when Ambli got up (we all crashed at shetty's flat) - i was told the most remarkable stories of how i almost got beaten up. I didnt recollect a THING - but anyways.

It seems i was snatching ciggarrets from people and smoking them. I drank from every glass in the house. Tried stealing a lady's purse - not to mention swore at the DJ a zillion times cause he wasnt playing 'My Kinda Music'. As i was stumbling all over the pub, i was dropping people's drinks and steeping on toes and shoes all along. One of the guys there suggested 'throw him out' - but i was SAM - there were people to take care of me. it was a close call....

Have u wondered how many parties end up good only when people are drunk !

cheers,
Sam

PAPPA KEHTE HAIN BADA NAAM KAREGA …

Pappa kehte THAE bada naam karega ,
Ab to who bhi kehna band kar diya ……..

This one specially goes out to all my ENGINEERING friends out there who have toiled and soiled for 4 years of their lives to achieve a bachelors degree! Just to give you a background – I was one of the most NON engineers out there (well I still am … !) I had 2 very specific group of friends – people who were the academically gifted and the ones that were ‘Just Gifted’.

Why I praise the non academicians is simple – I belonged to their tribe ! The former were a bunch of kids who had troubled childhoods and had lost their focus. They were kids with no understanding of the real world and had only their books to turn to for support. (my understanding of their world was disillusioned as i had never stepped on their side of the fence)

On the other hand – our tribe was this wild, forever hungry, fanatic bunch of complete idiots who cared a tiny rats ass for technology. All we knew was that in a PN Junction – P is Positive (simple) and N is negative (simpler). We knew a BJT is different from a FET but not how and why. I mean does it matter ? sheeshhh ….

I have bundled along a couple of stories for you… Read these events of my life …. (BTW please deposit USD 10 for every reading …… Please call Maggi at 555.WHATTHE– she will tell u the account number and the payment instrument)

FIRST DAY and THEREAFTER ….
So there we were when we reached my precious college ‘FIRST DAY’ – there was this huge scare that the seniors rag and I would be made to walk around naked in front of all the girls and they will all make fun of my wiener ! well it was not exactly the same – but I was asked to strip and there were thankfully no females.

The first day was the ‘intro’ where the college professors sternly told us that ‘Short Pants’ (as they put it) and smoking was prohibited in college. (they never mentioned it was ok to smoke sitting on the fence wall – as long as no one was looking !). That day I swore I will give to my parents the greatest joy I could ever give them – by graduating top of my class. Well I almost did it – so wat if I look at the results bottom up !

So college begins a week later. I am 17 – going to 18, have heard these wonderful college stories about sex and drugs. Heard that college life rocks and the party never stops. But I was staying 100 mts away from college and I didn’t see any naked chicks or dope dwellers – something that I was so eager to ‘touch’.

I was starting to wonder if I was in a wrong place – this wasn’t college. I mean who the hell needs to learn how to draw stupidly designed machines from all angles. For all I care – if they are already made – why study about them!

My logic was not very well understood by my lecturers and I was often thrown out of class for my ‘redundant questioning’. In my defense, I was only trying to quench my thirst for knowledge. So within a year I took the hint and stopped attending the lectures. Slowly after a couple of semesters I got the hang of the thing. In our local dialect – its called a ‘One Nite Fite’ – it basically means no matter how well u understand your subject – it’s the last night’s fight that matters…. U gotta live in Rome like the Romans do.

First year of Engineering was great. Had an exposure to wat education actually means. I have never been intimidated by Academicians. I always knew I was born to do something brilliant. My father lost this faith long back – but I am still holding on to it…. Second year brought new people in my lives. There were still lots of women I wanted to get ‘comfy’ with – but they didn’t share the enthusiasm … This was the year I flunked in 3 subjects in the first term.

Now in Engineering terms its pretty normal for a guy of my IQ – but it was a HIT to me. And I swore AGAIN that I will break this belief that I am incapable to do anything …. I am still trying to break that … allow me a few hundred years and I will DO IT ! By third year things had gone very routine.

There was nuthin much to do. I used to be out all day – just come home to sleep. I had learnt the art of being shameless. Its important to help u survive. I had excepted my flaws and was in no mood to do anything about them …. Final year came along and before I knew it – it was over. The dream was over. Life had suddenly hit a speed breaker.

I remember how we were all bunking the college annual function and sitting out on the fence – smoking and listening to the utter diplomatic ‘ass licking’ every one there was giving each other. Students were praising teachers – teachers were praising students. End of the day every one seemed to be praising everyone else. We guys chose to sit out and praise our ciggis.

WASTING USELESS ENERGY
I decided to take my energies to other domains. I mean education was clearly ruining me … I was spending too much time chasing women who weren’t interested. The ones who were interested were few and none in India … Cause most stayed in US or Malaysia and its easier to cheat on the internet. Aaaaaahhh…. MIRC – how I love you !

I fell in love – a beautiful 6 string thing from the house of YAMAHA. Joel – a good friend was gifted this articulate ornament the day he joined my college. It was just beautiful. And we made a hit instantly. I mean it was like a perfect match. She flowed in my arms like water and my fingers could run up and down its neck with the ease. I seemed to get a high everytime she sang.

It was a great feeling …. Of course somewhere in this saga of great love crushes and elbow fights – I met some guys who had this amazing ability to see thru me. It happens to guys I guess. I mean my to be wife doesn’t have a lot of friends and even fewer Close pals. In guy lingo its called ‘Gaand Dost’. Basically the first word is a hindi word for a ‘Bum’. These friends aren’t people who swear they will be with u for life. These are people u talk to like once a month but everytime u meet – the frequencies match and u both know whats in the other guys head – u don’t need to say it.

It was my 18th birthday and I wanted to do something new. For the first time I was away from my family and wasn’t too sure how to celebrate that. Friends were still few and new. I remember I had read about this AD of Wills Strand “u are never alone with a Strand’. So I wanted to smoke. Asked a pal to buy a Ciggi – he bought one – I lit it and sucked on the brown part. I was expecting to cough – but I guess my lungs were looking forward to this … my head swirled for a sec and I smiled. Then I took another drag – and rest ..as they say … is history.

ONE HELLUVA PARTY ….. (or were there more …. !!)
SECOND YEAR Semester one Dec 2000 We were just over with the theoretical papers and had a few pracs left. That means we had about 5-6 days of ‘Nothing to do’. (Well not that we had LOTS to do otherwise !! )

CHIKKI – a friend, whose real name I still do not know, was called on to decide the place for a party. (Please remember at all times we had no , I repeat, NO female company… ). CHIKKI (cause he is from Lonavla … ) decided it to be his home … we were like - OK ! So 8 of us land up there in his flat. There is Mel – a 6’4’’ giant weighing about 120 Kgs and BACHA, Muscular 6 Footer who played Soccer. Then there’s this rogue and not to mention – urs truly ! The rest are irrelevant to the story and will be introduced as we go along.

Liquor was in limited quantity and it was imperative that we all share. After the bottle was emptied, Mel n me were wondering if we should have shared it with others – guilt struck us and we ordered ABHISHEK to get some more. Abhi, shakingly goes and procures 5 Quarters of Vodka. I put my hand into the bag and pull out one …. I think I even punched someone for trying to take it away from me. (I’m very possessive about liquor)

After about 300 ml of pure alcohol has gone into your system – the world does start changing. Not only does it become more beautiful – YOU can become whatever you want to be. I wanted to sing so I made it a point to beat Bon Jovi singing "Always". I was assisted by BABA (a negro looking weirdo) and we both with our hoarse voices sang quite a wonderful duet.

I had almost decided to quit engineering and pursue music. (Of course the hangover next day convinced me otherwise). Its about 2 am in the morning and we are living in a Society – with old people sleeping and all … so u can imagine the repercussions of this lovely bachelor party ! (minus the stripper …. ) The world was still beautiful to me … and I was convinced I needed to get my pitch right. So I needed to listen to the song again – just to be sure.

While the music was incessantly being repeated – someone suggested we lay out the dinner – WOW I didn’t know dinner existed ! All of a sudden I was hungry. (I told you at that state – you can be whatever you wanna be … ) I can see some yellow stuff and some brown round things. I know its edible so I believe my instincts.

That’s when Mel towers above me and asks – ‘Sam, is that dinner’.
I - ‘Yes, My friend’.
Mel - ‘ Should I jump in’.
I – ‘of course dude’

Mel looks at the food …….. looks at me …… smiles and takes a leap. Mel actually Jumped. Mel jumped on the dal – the dal is all over the walls and the computer. Not only that – somehow the dal missed my hair and landed on Chikki’s freshly ironed clothes !

We were all very upset – cause there was no dal left for the rice ! And while MEL is dancing, he slips and the iron bed takes the weight of 120 Kgs of a man – there wasn’t much left after the accident. Of course Mel has slept off sometime between losing his balance and hitting the bed.

Finally after a blast and with absolutely no recollection of what followed – I conked off too.

Bacha was drunk after his half Rum ka bottle and was not involved in the fiesta.

Abhi has taken recluse in the Himalayas for having provided us the ‘Extra’ 5 quarters of liquor. He smokes and drinks occasionally.

Baba still doesn’t drink or smoke but looks like he is under police parole. He has decided to live life undercover.

Adarsh was fat once and lost like a Million kilos of weight. At 3 am he was very concerned about having taken in so many calories. So was jogging on the balcony till 6 am – thats when he collapsed.

The Host for the evening – Chikki, was thrown out of the FLAT by his landlord. ………….

Will keep adding more events – keep coming back : )

Y Did the Chicken Cross the Road ...

Here is how various people respond when faced with this critically acclaimed question of this century ...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road ?

MUSHARRAF
- The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken. India has been pushing this matter over to us. We never made the chicken cross the road. It’s the Road that crossed under the chicken.

GEORGE W BUSH
- We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground. The guilty will be punished. America is a Free country and no one shall take away our freedom !!

MANMOHAN SINGH
- I don’t have any opinion on this as Soniajee is still sleeping on my bed ! Is My pagdi looking good ?

COLIN POWELL
- Now to the left of the screen, you can see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. We have identified one chicken and the 16th Chicken Infantry Unit is in position to disarm this brazen act of disobedience.

TONY BLAIR
- I totally agree with George.

Brig. Raj Singhania (Commander of the 14th Rajput Rifles at Siachen)
- Today we shot down 2 Chickens crossing the road. Although we lost 16 jawans in the exercise and almost finished all our supplies of Ration and Ammunition, this exercise proves our alertness to any danger that befalls India's Borders. JAIN HIND .... !

My Great Grand Father
- In my days, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was it ! today's kids ...

Shobha De
- The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
- I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Scott Mc Nealy (Sun CEO)
- eChicken2005 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2005. The open source community has very warmly welcomed the release of the much awaited eChicken2005.

SUBHASH CHANDRA BOSE
- Tum Mujhe Chicken do - mein tumhein Cross karwaoonga .. !

P Chidambaram
- The Chicken symbolizes the need for India to 'Cross' this 'Road' into a G5 Nation. Indian Economy has benefited tremendously over the last 3 decades due to this chicken crossing the road. I believe the Chicken will help take India's foreign investments over the 10 Billion mark.

LALOO YADAV
- Humre Desss mein Chikanon ka yeee jo Haaal hai - Who sab ek PHAREB hai ... Junta kee aankh mein dhool jhoonkne kaa bahana hai ye sabb ! Bhaiinsss bhee to Roadua Cross kare hai ... uspe to Bhajpa nein kabhi ungalee nahin uthaeee!

ALBERT EINSTEIN
- Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? If u look at the theory of crossing ...

BILL CLINTON
- What is your definition of chicken? Everyone can bend over and assume to cross the road. But does that REEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLY answer America's threat for independence?

THE BIBLE
- And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was rejoicing. Chicken was served ...

MALCOM MARSHALL
- Thees Chicken cud be waaaalllopped ova da Fence ba it Prefa to Cross the RAUD .. ! Smart Duckee ...

NANDAN NILEKANI
- The Chicken has emerged as one of the Strongest Players in the Road Crossing. Today Infosys is on a new road. Our Chickens are Crossing Roads all over. We see maximum potential in Agriculture and Manufacturing of Polyester yarns.

And lastly ... apnee Sonia Gandhi
- Humare is beautiful Desh mein aisee bemariyon ke karan iss chicken ko road cross karnee padee. Mein jaantee hoon kee aap sab ko kya chaheeye. Is desh mein 10 Years bitane ke baad, ab mujhe yakeen hai kee yahan ke logon ko chickenon ke baare mein padhne ke ilava koee kaam nahin !!

Opportunity Cost ....

Dear Reader,

Thou shall be pleased to hear that THY shallth be boring you with OUTSOURCING as the topic of this article.

Why is it just a BIG word and wats the concept really. Lots of you who read this would be convinced that they understand every detail of this phenomenon and swear on your forefathers that you could start off the next INFOSYS if given the right money and the opportunity, After all its just a BODY SHOP (its a fancy word for all of you who are ignorant to this concept - it has no connection to 'Prostitution')

Waise i am not here to tell u wat OUTSOURCING means exactly. (I mean every kid on the street knows that - even though he doesnt know who the president of India is !) I wanted to share my understanding of what this phenomenon has done to India as a country. Lets not get into the economic upping this funda has done or the fact that the sensex crossed 8800 last nite ! Wat this is about is - Opportunity.

Yes - Opportunity. There was a time when the Civil Services was considered to be the ideal profession. All the kids wanted to become Civil Servants. Then came the Defence Services. Now everyone wanted to be in Uniform. Then was the time of the Ambanis and the Birlas. People who were front page headlines and people who were the news (not just made them). This Era is what drives the kids of Today. Its all about MONEY honey ! In all these eras, the people who shape the future (Youth) looked for security, and ready made feeding!

Aaaaaaaaand then came Narayan Murthi. The dude who pretty much changed this country's repute in the international community. India was known to be a country rich in culture and spices. (None of which EVER made us rich cause the brits sorta took it away)

Today about 95% of the Indian 'IT Industry' does nothing else but 'Offshore'. Why is that - cause what we have learnt is invaluable. India has a strength that no other country in the WORLD has ...
Exceptionally high Intellectual Capital, Abundant workforce, Hungry Kids willing to work for peanuts. And most importantly the mindset that its OKAY to be working for a country much lesser in IP and even lesser in talent.... strange eh ?

All said and done we are a remarkable tribe. We have braved plundering Mughals, Ravaging but Politically upfront Brits, Arrogant Bureaucracy, immoral Politicians, Failing infrastructure and lastly the dawn of wealth in the hands of the selected few. But we still go on - cause we are Indians. Probably the most resilient tribe on this earth. Its a shame the Vikings never decided to settle here.

'D'Rape

I was sitting with a few friends of mine .. all of whom happen to be of the opposite sex.. in short i was accompanied by a group of girls and one of 'em mentioned that she found a particular guy 'hot' (i dunno if that means he was on FIRE but i'm sure they can flame up a bed ANYTIME!)
Well so i said 'good' - now as it so happens this particular 'Hunk' by the name of "CHI CHI" (lets call him that for now) walks by ......

Now if i was with a GUY GANG, we would have probably looked up and down at the babe and sorta thought to ourselves how wonderful she would be in bed ... well 24 years of virginity does that to you ... you sorta start visualizing sex whenever you get the opportunity...
But these are GIRLS ... i mean they are docile and coy ... heh heh ... NOPES ! One of whistles and another shouts 'Hey CHI CHI......' and wud u beleive it - they guy just runs for his life !!


HA HA ... very funny ... i'm sure u females out there would call this a good example of WOMAN POWER - but what about the mental trauma the guy just went thru. I mean i felt sad for him. He looked like a guy who looks for a 'couple of hours' type of company (if u know what i mean) but still it was rather amusing to see him scurry off when a bunch of girls eve teased him.

The Supreme Court has recently removed any mandatory Medical certifications to confirm a Rape. In other words the victim's statement is enough. This would essentially mean that if i am a female and i can act well (in front of a court) and if i want to screw up a guys life - all i need to do is to file a FIR that he RAPED ME ! on a good chance of 5/10 he would be convicted and chances are that he would probably end up ruining everything he has....

Gone are the days when Rape was a taboo for the woman - i guess today with the legal system trying to flush out Rape out of the society like the government is trying to flush out Polio from the kids - its not long before i may see an innocent man getting hanged cause he refued to buy his girlfriend a diamond necklace !

At the end of it - after all a RAPE can happen for both parties. I mean can a guy get raped ? Just cause guys are 'EVERREADY' - does it mean that they dont get raped ? Does the definition of Rape as a 'Forced Copulation' apply only to women... Then y are only women protected by the law.. i think a RAPE can happen within marriage as well ....